Monday, June 15, 2009

Funnier version of "Big Sleep"

Evan Carr went on an adventurous trip to Myrtle Beach, jumped out of a helicopter, broke his hand, recovered through bowling therapy, then shot and killed fiddy men. He would go on to become a karaoke sensation and rediscover the greatness that is Rose's and TCBY. He later went on a dolphin tour and nearly got mauled by some hungry fish and dolphins.

The next day he celebrated his 24th birthday taking free doughnuts, visiting loved ones, and making random appearances at friends' doorsteps. At one friend's house a short but chubby nine year-old answered and had an attack dog. The dog chased Evan up the stairs and tortured him with his claws. Finally a man standing around 5'9" and resembling Jon Heder/Ben Stiller meets "Jesus" appeared from the bathroom. They went to a local Bi-Lo where Evan ran into a giant chicken. Evan got in a fight with the chicken, broke the chicken's fingers off, and had the deli staff cook them. Later Evan got himself a jug of milk for his birthday to celebrate. He then indulged in some meat and potatoes, plus some vanilla and chocolate. He later got to have some interesting conversations with his dad, uncle and cousin. He celebrated the rest of his birthday weekend bumming dinners and rides off people, fulfilling his caffeine addictions, participating in several competitions (including miniature golf, go-kart racing, and air hockey), and royally butchering "Walk This Way" and "The Bohemian Rapsody" at karaoke night. Evan also visited the house of God, the star of bucks (or the house of coffee), the market of fleas, and the middle of nowhere (around Woodruff/Laurens, SC).

The next day Evan had a big drive to Easley. Oh, and Evan made sure he did not forget to pack like a camper; he froze his pillow, took strawberries and cold water, two other pairs of shoes, and every mobile hobby he could remember. Not wanting to fall asleep, he made Dunkin' Donuts and McDonald's runs where he met and conversed with a few kindly workers over muffins, Sprite, and water. He also drove by two of those big television car dealerships and witnessed a couple of shootings. He then visited the Captain Kimberly Hampton Memorial Library in Easley only to be disappointed that Crossroads Coffee had abandoned ship there, too. When he got to his uncle and cousins' home, he was greeted with open arms. His cousins had gotten older but still looked mostly the same, while his 45 year-old uncle had lost weight, tanned, grew his hair back out, and turned it blond. He discovered that one of his cousins was a great taco cook, while the other cousin grew up to be a great kid with an obsession with the Disney Channel. His uncle seemed to be happy and at peace with himself...thanks to his new acoustic/electric guitar! Evan spent some quality time with his uncle taking his kids to the house of God and spending some quality time watching quality television. Evan also discovered a great game show in "Cash Cab".

On the ride home Evan met some more charming strangers running the convenience store back in Easley and at the Greenville Red Robin and Cold Stone Creamery; he got his free birthday burger and ice cream at those places. He then checked out the Barnes & Noble and had experienced something a Southern, country boy had never experienced: a Barnes & Noble with musak and DVDs!

Evan spent the rest of the week hustling a date at pool, pushing her off a swing at one park, and pushing her into a fountain at another park. They also decided to pull a "Ferris and Sloane" and sample every art gallery open in the city.

Evan then milked the rest of his free birthday coupons for all they were worth, getting free ice creams and meals. He also went to the library and fulfilled his addiction to microfilm.

Evan ate at a Firehouse Subs on Friday and thought he had discovered a celebrity...but it turned out to be someone he probably met in "the real world".

Now for Evan it's back to the grind of tearing tickets and greeting with a smile. He worked so hard that weekend that he rewarded himself (along with some buddies) Monday afternoon with some caffeine, indulged in a Chinese buffet, and ended it with a hangover...from laughing too hard at the movies.

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